Not everyone may be aware of this, but my life is about to end.

Okay, maybe that’s a tad dramatic when it comes to the fact that I’ll be celebrating my fortieth birthday in a couple of months. But reaching this milestone has not exactly been something I’ve been looking forward to.

Either way, the reality of its proximity has made me a bit reflective lately. So when someone over lunch mentioned a bucket list, (something I have heretofore considered stupid), it got me thinking.

First of all, how blessed are we to live in a time when the concept of a bucket list even exists. I mean, I can’t imagine people alive in the middle ages were sitting around composing bucket lists. What would one of those even look like anyway.

1. Don’t contract cholera

2. Avoid the plague

3. Make sure someone of noble birth never catches a glimpse of my beautiful wife or she will likely disappear to some castle and I will likely end up dead.

Not exactly the kind of list one would compose for entertainment purposes.

But in our time and place on this planet, we have options. And so I got to thinking, what would my bucket list look like. Should I start my bucket list from right now, or should I recognize the things that would have been on my bucket list but I have already been blessed to see them happen. I decided I liked the second option better.

So without further ado, my pre-40th-birthday-pity-party-present-to-myself: My 2013 Bucket List

1. Don’t contract swine flu, avian flu, SARS…or cholera. (Just because it doesn’t make for a great list doesn’t mean you shouldn’t include it.)

2. Be there to witness my childrens’ reactions on their first trip to Disneyland

2a. Oops…Be there to witness all of my childrens’ reactions on their first trip to Disneyland

3. Visit at least a portion of all 50 states. (20 down, 30 to go)

4. Attend a round of The Masters golf tournament at Augusta, Georgia.

5. Eat one of the world famous pimento and cheese sandwiches at Augusta National while attending a round of The Masters (wait, is that the same nasty concoction that my Granny used to try and force feed me when I was three? Yeah…forget this one.)

6. Visit England

7. Visit England while not under the strict rules of being a full-time Mormon missionary (Two years in the country and not once did I get to eat a meal in a proper English Pub with a cool name like Hound and Goose or The Bald Duke. However, members did take us to an authentic Turkish restaurant, complete with a belly-dancer. Awesome food, left before the belly-dancer got started.)

8. Eat at an authentic Turkish restaurant and see the belly-dancer (Just kidding, sweetie)

9. Be the only single solitary soul on the #1 rated beach in America, Kaanapali beach in Maui. Oh wait…

9. Be the only single solitary soul on the #1 rated beach in America, Kaanapali beach in Maui.

10. Live somewhere other than in the Sonoran Desert (Again, without the strict rules of being a full-time Mormon missionary)

11. Dance with my daughters at their weddings

12. See a Cirque du Soliel show in Las Vegas

13. Understand half of what I saw in a Cirque du Soliel show in Las Vegas.

14. Golf Pebble Beach

15. Take my boys to the ASU/UofA football game in Sun Devil Stadium. (Hopefully to be crossed off in Nov. 2013)

16. Play in a golf tournament complete with a tropy that would have my name on it if I won

17. Win a golf tournament complete with a trophy that would have my name on it when I won (Dang you Justin Echols)

18. Go on a cruise for a week where I am stuck in close proximity to thousands of people I have no desire to know, living in a cabin the size of my kids’ bathroom and gaining 35 lbs. because my wife is still in the cabin, sea sick, and I have nothing else to do but eat at the never-ending buffets (Whoa, how did this get here. This belongs on my please, oh please, don’t ever make me do this anti-bucket list. Weird.)

19. Run with the bulls in Pamplona (This will be the last thing I do because of its kick-the-bucket list potential)

20. Golf a PGA tournament course

21. Golf Kapalua again because I can’t imagine a place being much closer to heaven

22. Touring New Zealand and visiting some of the scenic sites captured in the Lord of the Rings movies

23. Pick my kids up from their mission

24. Greet my kids at the airport when they come home from their mission (Can’t decide between these last two. I’ve fantasized about both. Either way, as long as they go on a mission I get to do one or the other, hopefully)

25. Write a book

26. Get my book published

27. Go on a book signing tour (I’ve heard these are brutal. But I can’t complain about them if I’ve never done one, right?)

28. Sell millions of copies of THE RELUCTANT BLOGGER and become known the world over as the American Victor Hugo (Wait, didn’t he have multiple affairs and get thrown out of, not one, but two countries for inciting political upheaval? Maybe I should shoot for the American Stephen King…What? He’s already an American? Well snot! I suppose if I can sell enough copies to keep my publisher from hanging a picture of me in his office under the heading of “Worst Mistake I Ever Made”, that will be good enough.)

29. Throw a huge party when I celebrate my 50th wedding anniversary (I mean huge. And all of you are invited…if you’re still alive.)

THE RELUCTANT BLOGGER arrives August 13, 2013. Pre-order now on Amazon.com or through Bookworms Bookstore in Thatcher, AZ.  Also, take the time to go “like” the Ryan Rapier, Author page on facebook. You’ll be glad you did. Well, I can’t say for certain if that’s true or not, but…I’ll be glad you did.