Trying To Make Sense of the Senseless

Living in a world where logic is deemed so unnecessary is getting old. Just once in awhile, it would be nice if someone with a bully pulpit to do so would stand up and say, “This is stupid. And we’re not going to pretend it’s not anymore.” If you’re wondering to what I’m referring, I’ll list a few examples from just the last couple of weeks.

1. NBC Olympic Coverage (Mostly, but not limited to, the gymnastics) – If I’m going to invest the time to watch an athletic event, I want to actually see it. I don’t want to see highlights, that’s what ESPN is for. I don’t want to watch a short snippet of the event and then wait another hour while all of the momentum of what I’d been watching shrivels and dies in a corner before I get to see the next portion. And most of all, I don’t want to have to keep my four- and seven-year-old awake until eleven o’clock at night to see the finale of something that occurred at 2:00 p.m. that afternoon. We understand, there are a lot of events and we can’t see them all. But at least let us see all of the one we are being told we’ll get to see. And more than anything, I would much rather watch the athletics than Ryan Seacrest interview some teenager whose name I’ll likely have forgotten by next week.

2. Harry Reid, Senate Majority Leader, stating that he got an unsolicited phone call from an investor in Bain Capital, who he cannot name, in which he learned that Mitt Romney did not pay taxes for ten years…


I mean the man is running for president for the second time. He is extremely wealthy and yet somehow the IRS let that audit slip by ten years running and he managed to avoid taxes the entire time without getting caught? Astounding. We should elect him strictly on his ability to pull that off. If he has that kind of economic mystical ability, he should be able to drop unemployment to 4% in a matter of weeks.

What is even more astounding is that not one Democrat is willing to stand up and say, “Yeah…ok. This is pretty absurd.”

With unemployment holding at over 8% for a record number of months and everyone’s taxes scheduled to go up astronomically because Congress can’t work together to avoid across the board tax increases, I can see how making up farcical garbage about a multimillionaire not paying taxes might be tempting if you have been the leader of the senate during the previous four years when all of this economic misery occurred. But the fact that anyone else is going along with it is mind-boggling.

3. The fact that anyone cares about the Kristen Stewart/Robert Pattinson break-up. Why is this an issue for anyone? If a person cares that much about seeing the fallout of a relationship gone bad between two ugly people they don’t know, all they have to do is go to their local Walmart either between the hours of noon and 4 p.m. or anytime after 10 o’clock at night until the sun comes up. I am bewildered by the fact that anyone cares about this. At least with the Tom Cruise/Katie Holmes break-up you have a psychopathic control freak who is a member of a fearsome…(having my own religion referred to as a cult makes me sensitive about throwing out the word willy-nilly so I will leave it at)…religious organization that has a mystical hold over its members to keep things interesting. Also with Tom and Katie, both are fairly attractive and, by all accounts, bathe regularly. Which is more than we can say for the two vampires.

The list of examples above is just the tip of the iceberg. It seems like lunacy is deemed reasonable more and more everyday. If things don’t get better, I might have to leave civilization, move into a small one room cabin in the woods, grow a long beard and write a meandering manifesto decrying the destruction of a once sensible society…or is that what I just did? I guess to be safe, if you know me, be careful of any unmarked packages showing up in your mailbox.


Being Socially Aware is Wearing Me Out

I’m tired. I mean, keeping up with all the things that I need to support or boycott based on my political or social beliefs is getting ridiculous.  Take Chick-fil-A for instance:

I believe that there are merits to advocating and supporting the benefits of traditional marriage.  In my belief system, it is an institution that was created by God long before any government entity got a hold of it. On the other hand, my brother is gay and I love him very much. Although he and his partner have been together for the same amount of time that my wife and I have been (16 years and counting), it was only recently that they took advantage of the law changes in New York state and were married. I care a great deal about my brother and his partner and in no way want to diminish the special feelings they have about their marriage. So what am I supposed to do with that when my family is hungry for chicken?

I mean really, am I supposed to turn my back on a delicious chicken sandwich so as not to offend family?  Or am I supposed to go out of my way to eat chicken that is likely not the most healthy option for me simply so I can make a statement that I stand with my Christian brothers at Chick-fil-A? (These are the same Christian brothers who denied franchise opportunities to Mormons for a number of years because Mormons aren’t truly Christians…but that’s another story.) I guess to shoot the gap, I’ve decided to compromise. Since there isn’t a Chick-fil-A in the small town where I live, I won’t think about it at all while I am at home and will continue my current policy of boycotting KFC because every time I eat there I get sick.  But when we travel to Mesa, I will drop off my wife and kids at the Chick-fil-A on Power Road so she get can get each of my children chicken nuggets. I will then run across the parking lot to Chipotle where I will purchase non-chicken burritos for my wife and I.  When I return to Chick-fil-A, we will eat our food inside the restaurant, but we will refuse to take our still full soda cups in the van with us and instead get sodas at the gas station where we fill up before returning home. I think that’s fair.

But, just when I could relax over having resolved my Chick-fil-A quandry, New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg threw me another curve today. Now it is going to be a veritable criminal offense to request formula at a hospital in New York when having a baby. For the health benefits, I agree with the sentiment that breast feeding is the way to go if possible.  However, I despise being told by the government what I should or should not be feeding my child. Sometimes it is not in the best interest of the family to breast feed, and frankly, I don’t believe the relationship between my children and my wife’s breasts are any of Mayor Bloomberg’s business.  So how do I cover all of my bases here?

Well, since I don’t really care if I ever get to New York City, I will call that my boycott. Meanwhile, my oldest daughter would love to see New York and I believe my wife would enjoy it too. So, should the opportunity ever arise, I will send my wife with the three children I have who were breast fed to New York and I will stay home with the one son who was bottle fed due to health issues that arose when he was born. If he wants to go, that’s just too dang bad. Mayor Bloomberg doesn’t want him there any way.

Finally, I’m dying to see the new Batman movie. But sadly, I’ve heard it looks down on the 1% in our country who are rich. I want to be rich so I struggle with whether or not I should go.  But wait, the hero is a billionaire and the bad guys are supposedly an “Occupy Gotham” type of group. So maybe I won’t offend my sensibilities if I see it. I guess to cover my bases, I will go, but I will stand in the aisle the entire time and never sit down. Of course that might freak people out in light of the recent events surrounding this movie. Wow…well, I guess I could boo loudly every time an “Occupy” type comes on the screen and cheer boisterously each time a billionaire shows up. I think my fellow theater patrons would appreciate that gesture.

As I was explaining all of this to a co-worker, he kind of rolled his eyes at me and said something I’d never considered before.  He said, “Why don’t you stop worrying about all of these different causes and just try eating what you want to eat, going where you want to go and doing what you want to do.”

What a moron. I bet he wears clothes made in China.

You know what? I’m gonna boycott him…except he’s one of the only other ASU fans that I work with and heaven knows we have to stand together against all of these UofA troglodytes we’re surrounded by. Maybe I’ll just avoid him for the first and last hour of each Monday, Wednesday and  Friday.

Yeah, that will work. But boy, who ever knew that being a principled person could be so complicated?

The Language of Color

For my first post on this new forum I’ve created for myself, I could give a brief introduction of who I am and what about me is interesting.  But since I’m not an interesting person, I’ve decided not to bother.  Instead, I’m going to tell you about my favorite color as well as share some thoughts on other shades in the color spectrum.  Through that, you should gain all the insights about me you should ever need.

My entire life, my favorite color has been red.  I’ve never wavered.  Well, except for the two years I spent in Great Britain.  During that time, my favourite colour was red.

Having red as my desired hue was extremely fortunate when I entered the public school system in Duncan, Arizona.  The school colors were (and still are) red and grey.  I’m pretty ambivalent towards grey, but so was the school as red tended to be the dominant color. I’ve always felt fortunate that my school was not one of those that chose blue and gold as their standard. I have an aversion to looking like a cub scout past the age of ten. (My deepest apologies and sympathies to the graduates of Pima High School.)

I believe red is very representative of who I am as a person. For one, I consider myself a mid-range conservative on the political spectrum therefore I fit in well in red-state America.  Although, I should note that those who consider themselves part of the tea party would undoubtedly find traces of blue in my blood.  Does that make me a blue-blood? My checkbook suggests no. But there are some moderate tendencies in my belief system and so those who consider themselves far more conservative than me would probably not refer to me as a “red-blooded American.”

I think red also is very indicative of my attitude towards sports, or competition in general.  I absolutely, unequivocally and without a doubt hate to lose. It makes me see red. I also tend to be an aggressive driver.  I hold no ill will towards my fellow motorists, but I have no desire to drive behind any of them.  Therefore, my face will turn red with frustration every time I encounter a driver who averages a speed five miles an hour below the speed limit at points when the unbroken yellow lines are visible in the middle of the road, but then considers themselves a grand prix driver as soon as a passing lane appears. My wife informs me that when I’m not in the vehicle, she tends to drive this way.

My second favorite color is green. I believe this says something about my view of nature. When I was in Britain, I fell in love with Wales. When I visited London? Not impressed. My favorite vacation I’ve ever been on was to Maui, Hawaii. One place I don’t care if I never see again? Las Vegas. I will feel my life was not completely full if I never see the beauty of Alaska and British Columbia. If I never see New York City I can die a happy man.

The one exception to the paragraph above is Disneyland. Put Disney in the equation and all of my aversion to crowds and cities go away. I can’t explain it, it just is.

I do not care for pink and I despise light purple. It makes me think of an old woman. Not that old women are bad. I sincerely hope to be married to one some day, but something about the shade of lilac conjures up all that is distasteful about decorative soaps, moth balls and Lawrence Welk.

I look forward to sharing more here at my new blogging home.  If my audience consists of me and me alone? I believe I’ll be in good company. But if there is anyone else out there, I welcome your thoughts as well.  So if you have any insights on what your favorite color says about you, I would love to hear it.

And thanks for surviving this most unimportant of posts.