I’m tired. I mean, keeping up with all the things that I need to support or boycott based on my political or social beliefs is getting ridiculous.  Take Chick-fil-A for instance:

I believe that there are merits to advocating and supporting the benefits of traditional marriage.  In my belief system, it is an institution that was created by God long before any government entity got a hold of it. On the other hand, my brother is gay and I love him very much. Although he and his partner have been together for the same amount of time that my wife and I have been (16 years and counting), it was only recently that they took advantage of the law changes in New York state and were married. I care a great deal about my brother and his partner and in no way want to diminish the special feelings they have about their marriage. So what am I supposed to do with that when my family is hungry for chicken?

I mean really, am I supposed to turn my back on a delicious chicken sandwich so as not to offend family?  Or am I supposed to go out of my way to eat chicken that is likely not the most healthy option for me simply so I can make a statement that I stand with my Christian brothers at Chick-fil-A? (These are the same Christian brothers who denied franchise opportunities to Mormons for a number of years because Mormons aren’t truly Christians…but that’s another story.) I guess to shoot the gap, I’ve decided to compromise. Since there isn’t a Chick-fil-A in the small town where I live, I won’t think about it at all while I am at home and will continue my current policy of boycotting KFC because every time I eat there I get sick.  But when we travel to Mesa, I will drop off my wife and kids at the Chick-fil-A on Power Road so she get can get each of my children chicken nuggets. I will then run across the parking lot to Chipotle where I will purchase non-chicken burritos for my wife and I.  When I return to Chick-fil-A, we will eat our food inside the restaurant, but we will refuse to take our still full soda cups in the van with us and instead get sodas at the gas station where we fill up before returning home. I think that’s fair.

But, just when I could relax over having resolved my Chick-fil-A quandry, New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg threw me another curve today. Now it is going to be a veritable criminal offense to request formula at a hospital in New York when having a baby. For the health benefits, I agree with the sentiment that breast feeding is the way to go if possible.  However, I despise being told by the government what I should or should not be feeding my child. Sometimes it is not in the best interest of the family to breast feed, and frankly, I don’t believe the relationship between my children and my wife’s breasts are any of Mayor Bloomberg’s business.  So how do I cover all of my bases here?

Well, since I don’t really care if I ever get to New York City, I will call that my boycott. Meanwhile, my oldest daughter would love to see New York and I believe my wife would enjoy it too. So, should the opportunity ever arise, I will send my wife with the three children I have who were breast fed to New York and I will stay home with the one son who was bottle fed due to health issues that arose when he was born. If he wants to go, that’s just too dang bad. Mayor Bloomberg doesn’t want him there any way.

Finally, I’m dying to see the new Batman movie. But sadly, I’ve heard it looks down on the 1% in our country who are rich. I want to be rich so I struggle with whether or not I should go.  But wait, the hero is a billionaire and the bad guys are supposedly an “Occupy Gotham” type of group. So maybe I won’t offend my sensibilities if I see it. I guess to cover my bases, I will go, but I will stand in the aisle the entire time and never sit down. Of course that might freak people out in light of the recent events surrounding this movie. Wow…well, I guess I could boo loudly every time an “Occupy” type comes on the screen and cheer boisterously each time a billionaire shows up. I think my fellow theater patrons would appreciate that gesture.

As I was explaining all of this to a co-worker, he kind of rolled his eyes at me and said something I’d never considered before.  He said, “Why don’t you stop worrying about all of these different causes and just try eating what you want to eat, going where you want to go and doing what you want to do.”

What a moron. I bet he wears clothes made in China.

You know what? I’m gonna boycott him…except he’s one of the only other ASU fans that I work with and heaven knows we have to stand together against all of these UofA troglodytes we’re surrounded by. Maybe I’ll just avoid him for the first and last hour of each Monday, Wednesday and  Friday.

Yeah, that will work. But boy, who ever knew that being a principled person could be so complicated?